Holstein & Trusler
CAPVT IV · Chapter the Fourth

Dramatis Personae

The Persons of the Drama

The persons of the drama, set down in the order the printer found convenient,1 which is to say in an order that will satisfy nobody. The cast is subject to change without notice, as casts are; the understudies have not been notified, and in several cases have not been chosen, and would in any event decline. Every name below stands in brackets until the person answering to it has agreed in writing, or at least aloud, in front of a witness.

The Bride
A writer, and a designer of the systems that write. She has spent the better part of a career making machines say things plainly, and intends to manage one afternoon of saying a thing plainly herself.
Megan Holstein
The Groom
A professor of history, Roman by specialism, and therefore a man who holds that no claim is finished until it has been sourced. Guests are asked to indulge the footnotes; they are shorter than they used to be. He will be in a toga by the end of the evening.
Cody Trusler
The Company

In attendance upon the principals, and answerable for rather more of the day than the title of the part suggests.2

Maid or Matron of Honour [Name]

Holds the second bouquet, the ring, and the schedule, and is the only person permitted to say no on the bride’s behalf.

Best Man [Name]

Carries the ring, delivers a toast of a length he has promised to observe, and gets the groom to the church at the hour named.

Bridesmaids

Walk first, stand still for longer than anyone warned them, and hold the flowers through every photograph in which flowers are inconvenient.

the first [Name]
the second [Name]
the third [Name]
Groomsmen

Seat the early arrivals, move the chairs from the ceremony to the lawn, and know which of the guests must not be seated together.

the first [Name]
the second [Name]
the third [Name]
Officiant [Name]

Says the words that do the work, signs the paper that makes them count, and is the only member of the company who cannot be replaced on the morning.

Readers

Read a short passage each, slowly, into a microphone they will be tempted to lean away from. The passages are chosen; the volume is not.

the first [Name]
the second [Name]
Ring-bearer [Name]

Carries a cushion down an aisle. The rings themselves travel by a duller and more reliable route, and this is not to be mentioned.

Flower-girl [Name]

Scatters petals at whatever rate seems right to her at the time, and is not to be corrected in front of a congregation.

Ushers

Meet you at the door, offer an arm, and quietly fill the pews from the front, against every instinct of the people they are seating.

the first [Name]
the second [Name]
Non-speaking Parts

Not printed on any programme, and yet the day fails without them.

Keeper of the Bouquet [Name]

Takes the flowers at the moment both hands are needed, and returns them before the photograph in which their absence would be noticed.

Keeper of the Spare Shoes [Name]

Knows which bag they are in, and where the bag is, and will be asked at roughly nine o’clock by someone who was warned about the grass.

Driver of the Last Car [Name]

Drinks nothing all evening, learns four addresses by heart, and earns the gratitude of people who will not remember to give it.

Custodian of the Cake Knife [Name]

Produces it at the one moment it is wanted, having removed it hours earlier from the place where it would certainly have been lost.

1 A dramatis personae is conventionally ordered either by rank or by order of appearance. The couple have chosen neither, on the grounds that the first would require them to rank their friends and the second would require them to know the running order, and they are some way from both.
2 The bracket is doing honest work here. Every part below the two at the top is unfilled at the time of printing, and a name set in a bracket has agreed to nothing.